Quotes by Al Franken

My dad was a terrible businessman.
- Al Franken
I'm for Israel's right to exist.
- Al Franken
I've spent my entire career being a satirist.
- Al Franken
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My daughter became a teacher right out of college.
- Al Franken
I hope you realize, in a democracy, laughter is assent.
- Al Franken
The Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to corporations.
- Al Franken
We need to be pro-science; we have to go back to science.
- Al Franken
Humor and seriousness are not in opposition to each other.
- Al Franken
I'm from the Vietnam generation. I didn't serve.
- Al Franken
Service dogs raise their masters' sense of well-being.
- Al Franken
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I'm the New York Jew who actually grew up in Minnesota.
- Al Franken
Gary Bauer is a very good - he's a good friend of mine.
- Al Franken
If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.
- Al Franken
I know I have an awful lot to learn from the people of Minnesota.
- Al Franken
What you see on the campaign trail is me. It's easy being me.
- Al Franken
It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
- Al Franken
Well, I think that there's a value to comedy in and of itself.
- Al Franken
I'm crushed by the responsibility of writing a satirical book.
- Al Franken
Let's keep the Internet weird. Let's keep the Internet free.
- Al Franken
Liberals like me love America. We just love America in a different way.
- Al Franken
I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.
- Al Franken
Net neutrality has been in place since the very beginning of the Internet.
- Al Franken
It's the Power of the Almighty, the Splendor of Nature, and then you.
- Al Franken
I get satisfaction when I write something I like, when I'm happy with it.
- Al Franken
If someone hacks your password, you can change it - as many times as you want.
- Al Franken
I got interested in politics during the civil rights movement and then Vietnam.
- Al Franken
I'm sure I've devoted enough thought to Rush Limbaugh for one lifetime.
- Al Franken
Let's not let the government sell us out. Let's fight for net neutrality.
- Al Franken
Apple has long been a leading innovator of mobile technology; I myself own an iPhone.
- Al Franken
I do have a self-censor; everybody does, or at least most who are not pathological do.
- Al Franken
No one is more sensitive to the issue of overeating than the creator of Stuart Smalley.
- Al Franken
I think the government has a role in protecting the fundamental rights of its citizens.
- Al Franken
If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it'd be a travesty.
- Al Franken
Anybody who deliberately propagandizes with lies should be held up to scorn and ridicule.
- Al Franken
I think that the default for collecting any kind of personal data should be opt-in consent.
- Al Franken
There's plenty of room for humor in politics, God knows, but it's a serious business.
- Al Franken
Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build.
- Al Franken
Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.
- Al Franken
My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.
- Al Franken
I couldn't think of anything less appealing than molding the minds of tomorrow's leaders.
- Al Franken
I want to reclaim 'liberal.' I'm a liberal, and I think most Americans are liberals.
- Al Franken
Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.
- Al Franken
We need to prepare our kids for a 21st Century economy, and we're not doing it with our schools.
- Al Franken
Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum.
- Al Franken
When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.
- Al Franken
I don't know what happens to you after you die. I'm not banking on there being, like, a heaven.
- Al Franken
The nature of the Internet and the importance of net neutrality is that innovation can come from everyone.
- Al Franken
Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.
- Al Franken
Teen pregnancy went way down in the '90s, and 75 percent of it was because of increased use of contraception.
- Al Franken
Net neutrality isn't a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged.
- Al Franken
When the president during the campaign said he was against nation building, I didn't realize he meant our nation.
- Al Franken
I'm a bit of a shill for the Clinton Administration, which has its perks. I'm invited to all the inaugural balls.
- Al Franken
When you win an election, what you really win is a chance to go to work for working families who need a voice in Minnesota.
- Al Franken
Minnesota has a proud tradition of having two Senators on the Ag committee - a tradition I'd like very much to continue.
- Al Franken
I just can't sit still and meditate; that doesn't kind of work for me. I don't even know exactly what it means.
- Al Franken
There is - I mean - I found early in life that righteous indignation is a little off-putting, and so I try to couch it with humor.
- Al Franken
I don't know how many of you have been to New York, but if a building is two blocks away from anything, you can't see it.
- Al Franken
I ask the American people not to fall victim to disinformation. There are no death panels. The Affordable Care Act cuts the deficit.
- Al Franken
When you live in New York, one of two things happen - you either become a New Yorker, or you feel more like the place you came from.
- Al Franken
Terrorism, to me, is the use of terror for political purpose, and terror is indiscriminate murder of civilians to make a political point.
- Al Franken
I believe in not attacking a country pre-emptively unless you're sure of what you're doing and you're working with allies.
- Al Franken
When the Constitution was written, the founders had no way of anticipating the new technologies that would evolve in the coming centuries.
- Al Franken
If you use a cell phone - as I do - your wireless carrier likely has records about your physical movements going back months, if not years.
- Al Franken
Why don't we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.
- Al Franken
In my first week as a U.S. senator, I had the privilege of participating in the Supreme Court confirmation hearing for Judge Sonia Sotomayor.
- Al Franken
You can't change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.
- Al Franken
If we have George W. Bush as president, we're going to go back to the kind of policies we had when his father and Ronald Reagan were president.
- Al Franken
I believe people have a right to know what's going on with their information and how it's collected, how it's stored and who gets it.
- Al Franken
I grew up in Minnesota, where we treasure our tradition of civic engagement - and our record of having the nation's highest voter participation.
- Al Franken
Antitrust law isn't about protecting competing businesses from each other, it's about protecting competition itself on behalf of the public.
- Al Franken
Technology is an incredible tool - it connects people to each other, creates jobs all over the world, and makes life easier for millions of Americans.
- Al Franken
Demagoguery sells. And therefore, radio stations will put it on. But that doesn't mean that you can't do something else and also make it sell.
- Al Franken
Changing technologies, changing marketplaces, and even changing trends in anti-competitive practices have all presented challenges to antitrust enforcement.
- Al Franken
People lucky enough to live in the vicinity of an industrial hog farm are, with each breath, made keenly aware of the cause of their declining property values.
- Al Franken
We need to start by having a conversation about climate change. It would be irresponsible to avoid the issue just because it's uncomfortable to talk about.
- Al Franken
At 'SNL,' I wrote political stuff, but I never felt the show should have an axe to grind. But when I left in '95, I could let my own beliefs out.
- Al Franken
There's an appeal to the American sense of exceptionalism, that we're morally superior, as way to not be self-critical. I think that's a bit dangerous.
- Al Franken
The way I see it, I'm not going to Washington to be the 60th Democratic senator. I'm going to Washington to be the second senator from the state of Minnesota.
- Al Franken
I think Clinton fatigue was a real thing. It's just hard to get comfortable with Gore - it was hard for him to project who he is, the person people know in private.
- Al Franken
The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal. They're about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.
- Al Franken
It's hard to have that debate around secret programs authorized by secret legal opinions issued by a secret court. Actually, it's impossible to have that debate.
- Al Franken
My dad didn't graduate from high school, ended up being a printing salesman, probably never made more than $8,000 a year. My mom sold real estate and did it part time.
- Al Franken
It is my fondest wish that in the fullness of time, the American people will look back on the Franken presidency as something of a mixed bag and not as a complete disaster.
- Al Franken
In our political system, money is power. And that means a few can have a lot more power than the rest. That's bad news for everyone else - and for our democracy itself.
- Al Franken
The reason I wrote political satire was because I thought it - politics - was important... that public policy was important. Then I transitioned into books, then into radio.
- Al Franken
Small businesses should have the same ability to reach customers as powerful corporations. A blogger should have the same ability to find an audience as a media conglomerate.
- Al Franken
I think the Internet has developed at this incredibly rapid pace because of net neutrality, because of the free nature of it, because a YouTube can start the way YouTube started.
- Al Franken
My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman. We lived in a two-bedroom, one-bath house in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. We weren't rich - but we felt secure.
- Al Franken
Our laws need to reflect the evolution of technology and the changing expectations of American society. This is why the Constitution is often called a 'living' document.
- Al Franken
I listen to NPR when I listen to the radio, but I don't listen to the radio that much. You know, I listen to Garrison Keillor, I listen to 'Prairie Home Companion.'
- Al Franken
If Republicans eliminate Medicare, America will become a country in which you can never retire - and once you physically can no longer work, you are desperately poor until you die.
- Al Franken
The Republican agenda is a radical vision in which Medicaid is slashed to the bone - in which we start to balance the budget on the backs of, literally, our most vulnerable citizens.
- Al Franken
The Medicare Part D prescription drug bill, which might be the most corrupt piece of legislation in history, was a huge giveaway of taxpayer funds to the big pharmaceutical companies.
- Al Franken
My parents were really political. The news was very important in our home. We basically had dinner every night while watching the news, and then we'd discuss it with our parents.
- Al Franken
The civil rights movement was very important in my house, and then Vietnam was very important 'cause there were two boys, so I came of age during a very heated political climate.
- Al Franken
For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them weren't appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
- Al Franken
National security laws must protect national security. But they must also protect the public trust and preserve the ability of an informed electorate to hold its government to account.
- Al Franken
Grown-up love means actually understanding what you love, taking the good with the bad and helping your loved one grow. Love takes attention and work and is the best thing in the world.
- Al Franken
Most Americans don't think about antitrust law when they look at their cable bill, flip channels on TV, or worry about what their favorite website knows about them. But they should.
- Al Franken
Part of the middle class promise is that, after a lifetime of hard work, you'll be able to retire and enjoy the fruits of that labor. Medicare was established to secure that promise.
- Al Franken
My views about God come from my dad. Dad told me that he believed Nature, which to him included humankind, to be so beautiful, so magnificent, that there had to be something behind it all.
- Al Franken
To make the argument that the media has a left- or right-wing, or a liberal or a conservative bias, is like asking if the problem with Al-Qaeda is do they use too much oil in their hummus.
- Al Franken
My parents didn't make a lot of money. My dad was not a high school graduate - he didn't have a career as such; he was a printing salesman essentially for most of his working life.
- Al Franken
The thing that interests me least about the radio business is the radio business. But I've had to learn a little bit about it. It's not rocket science: You get ratings, that's good.
- Al Franken
Well, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that. I've been a producer and led people. Also, being a comedian, you're under pressure.
- Al Franken
You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny.
- Al Franken
It's hard for a liberal to go on between Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, because it's like doing country music after hip-hop. I mean, just, the audience doesn't go from one to the other.
- Al Franken

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